Because you’re not listening to her
Because she doesn’t want to do it
Because it’s not FAIR!!!
Because it’s too hard
Because she really wants it and can’t have it, or doesn’t know how to get it.
Because she’s bored…
There are a million reasons for her to having a blow out, and right in that moment, not only does she THINK she’s right, she’s drawn you in. All of your energy, that could be spent creating, making, having fun and doing, is now being diverted in…..this.
So what is ‘this’? If you sit down and think about the thing you blow up about most often, you know, the one that brings out the most petulant you, what is it usually about?
For me it’s usually about a fear. Often times something I’d really love to achieve, but the thought of putting myself out there makes me rebel.
These of course are the obvious tantrums – they are surface, although not altogether superficial. You can usually reason yourself thru them, much as you would with a kid in the supermarket who really, really wants that particular cereal (y’know, the one that comes with the crap toy and is so full of sugar and rubbish that you know full well that it’s going to send them fruitloop!)
What about our deeper temper tantrums, the ones that are really running the show. How do you deal with the shit storms that rise up on an alarmingly frequent loop? What about the ones that are attached to money? How do reason with your thoughts and feelings about money, your relationship to debt, the fear of never having enough (or maybe for some, too much money via a fear of success), the social perceptions that are attached to your wealth?
My actual real life five year old has a loose grip on the principal of money. She understands that you need it to buy things, but has not yet grasped the concept of a ‘finite’ amount (there is much more to be said here about money as an infinite energy, but that’s for another time). She knows that it comes in different shapes and forms (coins, notes, cards) but couldn’t rank them in terms of what you can afford with what amounts and how those amounts can be made up of smaller units).
I would say that my inner five year old has a similar skewed relationship to money. She gets it mixed up and has attached to it significance and stories. I think that this is true for a lot of us – when we unwrap our ego wounds (and it is like having a damage to a deep old part of ourselves) we need to speak in a language that can be understood.
Journaling is a powerful too, allowing us to hold the lump of crud up to the sun and discover if it’s hidden gold or just a big chunk of dried up poop! However, it came to my mind during yet another money related dark night of the soul, that my inner five year old is unable to read. If she’s unable to read, how can journaling be directed towards her? It came to me, that perhaps she requires a story. A tale of revolting characters, where the hero over comes and the villian get’s it! The result of this was a story I created, I’ll share it with you.
Our hero is in form based on myself at five – yes, I was tonsilly, loud, and deaf as a board. Nanny Schatzmund becomes the villian – seemingly kind on the surface, indeed her very name derives from the German words for Sweetheart and Mouth, but represents my ego as it relates to money. Writing and performing the story felt therapeutic, like a lasting correction had been created between me and my money story.
Perhaps, having read this, you feel compelled to create a story for your inner five year old? What does she need to hear? What are the wounds that sit around your throat (Symbolic of not speaking your truth). How would you delve into the gunk in a way that would fascinate you as a child? What would be a suitably revolting comeupance for your baddie?
I’d love to hear your stories, we can gather on the storytime carpet together.